I think we all know by now that I tend to exaggerate quite a lot, and my mom will certainly attest to this… seeing how I made her out to be a closet alcoholic and all when I was 5. Yeah. Maybe not mini-Chinie’s finest moment. My poor mom. I saw her have ONE drink…
And for some bizarre reason my five year old brain processed this scene and filed it as SUPER COOL. So cool, in fact, that I felt the need to brag about it to a bunch of her friends when she least expected it.
Mortifying. Well, for her, of course. Hilarious for me! Even ‘til today, almost 40 years later! It’s like my favorite family joke.
It’s extra funny because my mom really doesn’t drink much at all. I mean she’ll have wine with a meal and stuff like that, but I’m pretty sure she can finger-count the number of times she actually got drunk in her life.
So Mom = Alcoholic (and sometimes even Bootlegger) never gets old, as far as I’m concerned. She doesn’t even have to actually be drinking, it’s enough that she’s photographed near some form of alcohol.
Hilarious, I tell you. (Again, for me. For her, probably not so much).
Anyway my friend DJ posted this link today to a Bored Panda article showing the 40 worst book covers and titles ever, and OMG. I found my mom’s revenge.
Here you go, Mom. Feel free to hit me with this every time I try to out you again. :)
Oh, and relax — it’s not a real book. Cheers! :)
I’ve always been a crazy fast reader, and for some reason that always seems to annoy people more than impress them. I have no idea why. But it’s true. People hate it about me.
I once mentioned that I read 17 books over a long weekend and you’d think people would be all ‘WOW! Awesome! Such a handy talent, this speed-reading of yours…” but NO. They were more like “OMG! GTFO, NERD!!”
So anyway I like to assume that the name-calling naysayers are just jealous.
But I just read about this amazing new app called Spritz that can make anyone (even the slowpokiest among you) read so fast you could finish a full-length Harry Potter book in under 90 minutes.
How amazing is that?? So yeah there’s hope for you. And maybe you won’t hate me anymore.
Check out how it works, and see if you can read at 500 words per minute using Spritz technology. (Gif c/o HuffPo - check the original article if you want to try it out at 250 and 350 wpm too.)
I mean it’s not like we’ll have speed-reading contests or whatever when Spritz is out, because DUDE. That’s a bit too nerdy even for me.
But imagine the possibilities for your kids in school, for example. I could certainly have used something like this back in the day. And while I prefer to read my recreational books the normal way (since I am.. ahem.. a speedreader already anyway) I think it could come in handy for work and other things that aren’t much fun to read. :)
So yeah, pretty exciting stuff. It isn’t out yet, unfortunately. According to this article though, it’ll be making its debut in the Samsung Galaxy S5…
…which means I’ll be waiting with bated breath until the S5 gets here and Globe offers one of those tempting gadget packages they like to torment me with.
And when it becomes an app for the Kindle or iPad… well, just WOW. App-mazing. HURRY UP, SPRITZ! Can’t wait to meet you.
I went out and discovered Jager Bombs for the first time ever last weekend and sorta really regretted it…as did everyone else who was there that night, I think. This is what most of my convos looked like the next morning.
Oh alcohol. You make such fools of us all.
So anyway since the weekend’s still pretty fresh in my memory, I totally cracked up when I came across these designs by David Olenick on Threadless today. I’m calling this collection “If Alcohol Could Talk.”
OMG. So funny. And so accurate. Check ‘em out. :D
You Red My Mind
Marge in Charge
HAHA! And here’s another one, that isn’t alcohol, but pretty close in terms of guilty pleasure. (And regret.)
Too cute! You can check out more of David’s work at http://davidolenick.com. Enjoy!
I like to rag on Facebook a lot, but in spite of its drawbacks and annoyances I can never seem to stay away from it for very long.
This is partly because it’s the best way for me to keep in touch with family and friends abroad, but mainly because it provides me with so much entertaining material for discussion.
I have to admit though that I sometimes miss the old days when Facebook (and social media in general) didn’t exist. Life was so much simpler then. You saw people when you saw them, and that was it.
Nowadays - if you have the time - you can be all up in everyone’s business every day. And while that can be good, it can also suck in many ways. There are so many feelings people never had to feel back in the pre-Facebook days. Here are 10 just off the top of my head.
1. Facebook Envy
This really is a thing. I mentioned it in an article I wrote for Rappler once. Facebook envy is that feeling of dissatisfaction you get, like your life sucks because everyone else’s looks so much better. It’s very closely related to #2…
2. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
..which is also a real thing. FoMo is “the fear that everyone else is having more fun, more excitement and more rewarding, anecdote-worthy experiences than you” — so you’re constantly glued to your phones, or tablets or whatever, worried you might be missing out on something.
The fear of missing out (FOMO) — on something more fun, on a social date that might just happen on the spur of the moment — is so intense, even when we’ve decided to disconnect, we still connect just once more, just to make sure. - PsychCentral
3. FOBFO (Fear of Being Found Out)
Okay I’m obviously just inventing terms at this point. But FOBFO is a real thing too. Let me tell you — I am SO glad there was no such thing as Facebook when I was a teenager. Because dammit, there’s always some eager oversharer (like me - hehe) tagging you in a check-in or posting pictures of you when you’re drunk and/or acting stupid…
… or hanging out somewhere you’re not supposed to be… or having a party or something that you left other people out of… Which inevitably leads to the next feeling on the list…
4. SONBI (Sadness of Not Being Invited)
Yeah, we all know what I’m talking about here. It was all well and good to forget or neglect to invite people to things back in the old days, but now - no thanks to Facebook -you can be pretty sure they’ll find out. And be sad.
5. ROR (Repeat-Outfit Regret)
This is another thing we never had to worry about back in the days of non-digital cameras, no smartphones and no internet. Seriously. You could wear the exact same thing to multiple events as long as the people attending were different, and no one would be the wiser. I totally miss that.
This is what you call that feeling of discomfort and dread you experience in the pit of your stomach when you discover you’ve been tagged in an unauthorized photo.
Note: It is particularly strong on Throwback Thursdays and Flashback Fridays — because of pictures like these:
In advanced cases, Tagophobia can lead to…
7. Tagocidal Tendencies - or murderous feelings of resentment towards people who tag you in ugly pictures all the time
Because really, some people need to be stopped.
I have like the OPPOSITE of this, but it’s a pretty common affliction. Sel-philia is the desperate, burning desire to constantly post pictures of yourself, no matter where you are or what you’re doing…
This is actually the result of dopamine addiction, which you can read about here. Whatever the case or cause, though - OMG. It’s like an epidemic. And because this condition/addiction/affliction is so common, it often leads to…
9. SOS (Selfie Over-Saturation) - Assorted feelings arising in reaction to the relentless selfie-stream caused by other people’s sel-philia…
…which in turn can lead to…
10. Diss-pair: The desolate misery sel-philiacs feel when people with SOS diss or fail to react to their pics.
(Awesome “Nobody Likes Me” art and photo by I Heart the Street Art)
Did I miss anything? Feel free to add to the list in the comments. And btw… if you find yourself relating a little too well to all of these, you may want to consider a Facebook timeout.
As I said in my old Rappler article, Facebook is fun, but it never really paints an accurate picture or tells you the whole story. So step away from the screen, get out there and spend more time interacting with people face-to-face. Real life is so much more real.
Have a great day, folks! Cheers!
My friend Marivic shared a link today to a lovely article by Shelley Emling on HuffPo about the 5 Types of Friends Everyone Should Have:
- Friends who make the effort.
- Friends who are genuinely happy for me when something good happens.
- Friends who are upbeat.
- Friends who are up for anything.
- Friends who are authentic.
…and I was so happy to see that I had them all! Yay! And in multiples too! I’m not sure if it’s a numbers game (because I really do have a lot of friends), or if I’m just lucky. But that’s not really something I need to analyze. I’m just grateful that I hit the friendship jackpot several times over in my lifetime.
Anyway, while thinking about all the great friends I have, I realized that there are a few more types I’d like to add to this list — so here they are… 5 MORE types of friends everyone should have, to bring the list to a total of ten.
6. Friends who make you laugh.
I don’t know how this wasn’t on the original list. It will always be number 1 on mine. Laughter is so essential to life. If you don’t have a friend (or 5!) who can make you burst uncontrollably into a knee-slapping, tears-streaming-down-your-face belly laugh, then you are totally missing out.
7. Friends you can be evil with/in front of … but who still know you’re a good person at heart.
Because let’s face it. No matter how nice or kind or charitable you may generally be, sometimes you just need to vent or comment or nitpick without having to worry that people will think you’re secretly the spawn of Satan.
For this, you need friends who know you well enough so that you can set your usual filters aside and just be a terrible person for a few minutes — after which they’ll be all “OMG you’re so BAD! LOL!” but still love you anyway and not think you’re faking it when you revert to your usual kind and pleasant public persona.
Personally I think these friends are just as important as the ones who can make you laugh. And more often than not, they’re usually the same bunch of people.
8. Friends who will give you a brutally honest opinion.
(But only when you REALLY want to know.)
Because let me tell you… The Internet’s become pretty unreliable. Have you ever noticed how people tend to over-compliment on social media these days? I mean geez, man! It’s like it doesn’t even matter what kind of pics people post anymore. There are always at least one or two gushers who are all “LIKE! LIKE! OMG GORGEOUS!” — even when you look like something the dog dragged in after a lucrative night of dumpster diving.
It’s lovely of them to lie like that, of course — or even better, to actually believe you look great no matter what — but it gets so that you really don’t know who to trust to tell you (to your face) when you look like crap anymore.
I mean you can’t ask your husband, because chances are he’s already learned the hard way that some opinions, he should just keep to himself. So chances are high he’ll either lie or go with a safe answer just to avoid any drama that might arise.
So yeah, I think we all need at least one brutally honest friend - the thorn among the nurturing roses - that we can trust to keep it real and tell us when when we’re looking bad (or even worse, behaving or performing badly). And not out of malice, or to put us down, or any other sort of toxic-friend-type reason — but just because we asked and really want to know, or because they care enough to set us straight when we’re cluelessly off-kilter.
9. Friends who are DOERS.
“I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things.”
I saw this quote by Amy Poehler on my friend Johanna’s wall the other day, and I saved it because I so agreed!
I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels this way, but I kind of feel like the world’s going soft sometimes. We nurture and praise and understand and support a little too much — so much so that I think it’s actually detrimental to people’s drive to really succeed.
While it’s all well and good to hang around with people who nurture you and accept you for who you are, no matter what or how well/badly you do, you also need friends who will challenge and inspire you — at the very least by their example. DOERS.
10. Friends who are much older (or much younger) than you.
Because as I mentioned in a previous post:
While it’s great to hang around with people your own age, having a wide range of friends in different stages of life just makes you a richer, more enlightened and well-rounded person.
There’s so much to learn - about yourself, and life in general - and so much joy to be gained from everyone you meet, whether they’re 9 or 90. Don’t miss out.
Don’t miss out indeed. And don’t limit yourself to just these 10 types either. All the friends you have - whether good or bad, transients or keepers - have something to add to life as you know it. Get out there, mingle and find out what it is.
It’s been a while since I’ve fallen in love with someone new. I mean you tend to try and stop doing that when you get married, RIGHT? I certainly hope so.
So yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve felt that “SQUEE! OMG I’m SO KILIG!" super-hyper, floating on air type of feeling. (Well, on my own behalf, at least. I get kilig for other people all the time.)
When you’re at my stage of “been together a pretty long while now” married love, the squeeing morphs into a considerably calmer and more mellow “Awww, that’s nice, honey” type of thing. And then you hug or kiss or try and make babies or whatever, then quickly move on to other more pressing stuff (like what’s for dinner) — instead of rehashing the moment in your mind in an endless loop… even at inappropriate times.
Ahh, young love. You’re so cute and cray cray.
Neither have I done anything particularly stupid recently in the name of luuurve. (I mean this is not to say that I haven’t done stupid things recently. I just didn’t do them because I was too head over heels to think straight. :))
But I do see, interact with and read about a lot of people in that first exhilarating wave of romantic love, enough to:
- remember exactly how stupid I’ve been in the past, and how stupid lovers still are and will likely continue to be.
- be relieved to find out that HEY! It’s not our fault we act that way!
Studies (involving brain scans and everything!) have shown that love-induced idiocy can totally be blamed on a crazy cocktail of chemicals and things that all mess with your brain when you’re in love. Here’s what the studies have found:
First of all, when you fall in love, apparently your frontal cortex (which affects judgment) shuts down.
"When you look at someone you are passionate about, some areas of the brain become active," Semir Zeki, professor of neuro-aesthetics at University College London said, according to the Daily Mail. "But a large part is de-activated, the part that plays a role in judgment."
Zeki says that the brain may act in this way for “higher biological purposes” to make reproduction more likely. He says that if rational judgment is suspended, even the most unlikely pair can get together and reproduce. - Medical Daily
Hmm. This explains a lot, don’t you think?
And there’s more. Have you ever looked at people in love and thought "OMG! WTH is wrong with you? Are you HIGH?"
YES. Yes you have.
Well huh. Turns out they kind of were.
In a very real way, being attracted to a person is a lot like being on drugs. The release of chemicals into our brain and body creates an altered mental state in which we both perceive and behave differently than we normally would. - LifeHacker
First, you get a rush of adrenaline:
Aside from revving you up and turning you into a sweaty, palpitating mess able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (while carrying a refrigerator), adrenaline also releases dopamine and endorphins.
When you’re falling in love and high on dopamine you’re all “Whee! Rewards! Pleasure! Whee! I love this feeling!” — which is kind of discombobulating all on its own. But it can get even worse, leading to cravings and addiction.
Also, bear in mind your body is pumping you with feel-good chemicals, whether or not the feeling of infatuation (or the person you’re infatuated with) is good for you. So it becomes very difficult to determine right from wrong (or smart from stupid) when this is happening.
And then just to add a little more madness to this mix, there’s the serotonin drop. Serotonin governs moods and appetite, so a drop in serotonin levels results in some pretty antsy (and angsty) behavior.
Incidentally, this same drop in serotonin creation is present in people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Fun, huh?
SO WHAT THE FRAK, RIGHT??? All this, plus all the testosterone and estrogen and pheromones flying around…It’s really no wonder love makes us the idiots that we are (or once were).
So maybe cut yourself (or the people you’re being all Judgy McJudgerson about) a little slack. The first wave of love is a wild and crazy ride. If you’re in it, just enjoy the rush, and try not to drown or hurt other travelers along the way. The stormy sea will calm eventually… and then the real journey begins.
Hopefully by then you’ll have found your anchors, and learned enough to steer you both in the right direction. Cheers!
There’s this webcomic I like a lot called Owl Turd, because it never fails to make me laugh. I’m not sure how to descibe the artist’s sense of humor, but I just feel like he and I would totally get along. Here’s a sample, check it out.
Heh. That’s so me. Especially recently. :)
I’m not sure if it appeals to everyone but I just find his stuff hilarious! Here’s another one.
I know it isn’t LOL-funny, but for some reason here I am again…
Here’s one more:
My favorite posts are when he answers his “Ask Me Anything” questions though, because he answers them in comics as well.
Heehee! Isn’t he great? Now I wanna copy and answer all my AMAs in comics as well. So yup, go ahead and ask me anything! I swear I’ll answer with a drawing. This is a limited time offer until I get either tired or too harassed. :)
Aaaand that’s it for today. You can go check out more of Shenanigansen’s stuff at Owlturd.com. Enjoy! :)
I figure it’s a much better-sounding explanation for my increasingly rotund figure than the fact that I’ve just been a total oinker.
And on some days, not even slightly remorseful about it…
Okay, who am I kidding. Not just SOME days. I’ve actually been having too many of those remorseless days recently. If you follow any of my social media feeds you’ll probably already know this. I think I jumped off the “reasonable food rations” wagon during the holiday season.
And then just never looked back. My birthweek celebration pics (actually most pics I post, come to think of it) feature more food than people. Because, you know.. PRIORITIES.
So yeah basically… Hysterectomy’s fault, my ass. Any increased poundage is all on me and my gluttonous ways.
We all know what this means, of course…
THIS scenario, sometime in the very near future.
Yup. It’s about time. Oh well. It’s been a fun (and very delicious) run. Thanks for the memories, friends and awesome restaurants.
So anyway, until I get back to leaner levels, here’s what I’ll be telling my rather round self… (It’s what I told my dear cousin too. Feel free to steal it for yourself as well, if it applies.)
Heehee! :) Have a
flabby fabby day, friends!
I’ve been meaning to have my friend Chary and her daughter Maxine guest post on my blog for a while now, because Chary’s a writer (and really quite hilarious), and Max is an artist. A really good one too! Check out the painting she made for her parents for Valentine’s Day.
She’s TEN YEARS OLD, folks. How cool is that?
So yeah I had Chary write away one day, and then we wanted Max to illustrate. But umm… well… that didn’t happen due to some artistic differences.
So okay FINE, I decided to illustrate it myself. So here goes…. a guest blog by my friend and fellow fab fortysomething - Chary Mercado!!! - with illustrations by me. :)
People Have a Right to Their Delusions
“I bet in your youth, you must have been sexy,” the saleslady said to me matter of factly, as I crammed my hefty frame into a dress most heartlessly labeled as size 4XL.
IN MY YOUTH?!? Isn’t this something octogenarians say as they describe chasing fireflies at night in the time before electricity was invented?!?! How old does this saleslady think I am??
I realize that this was her attempt at a compliment. But really, all I could do was think of the ways it was sooooo not.
First off, the declaration that the blush of youth was long gone was a jab to my heart. I am turning 45 this year, definitely middle-aged, but Lord don’t we all think we don’t look it? I certainly don’t even feel like an adult. I’ve got the brain of a 13-year-old ticking away inside.
Obsessed with food and shopping, happy as a clam when hanging out with the girls, prone to checking my cellphone at intervals for new messages… I am admittedly a teen in many ways. Scary, I know, especially since I am raising a 13-year-old too. How is it that this saleslady sees only an old crone? Clearly, my joie de vivre wasn’t doing enough for me.
Second layer of offense — upon further reflection, I realized there was another veiled insult in her comment. Her theory that I had probably been sexy was presumably based on her observation that I was still picking clothes that only a sexy person would wear. Obviously, the woman felt I needed a reality check – which she was only too willing to provide.
You may disagree with me but I think there is nothing as painful to behold as an old person dressing young, or a fat person dressing foxy.
I was apparently hitting two sorry birds with one stone.
I really should have been offended enough to lumber out of that store, but honestly, there was some really good stuff there that the shopper in me couldn’t ignore. I spotted a beautiful Roberto Cavalli cocktail dress hiding at the back of a rack. I had her bring it out. She did, accompanied by another zinger.
After informing me that Mr. Cavalli did not make any dresses in my size, she cheerfully suggested that I buy it for my daughter instead.
"MY DAUGHTER IS 10 YEARS OLD!!" I wanted to scream. She ain’t going to no cocktail parties for another 10 years! She wears One Direction t-shirts when she wants to look mature!! But I held my tongue and finally left.
As any teen would do, I promptly texted my friends about this incident. And true to form, they were profuse in their support for me and condemnation of her.
Did I mention that they are all the same age and roughly of the same build as I?
So I am now blogging about this affront to rally a virtual mob to boycott all stores with outspoken (and overly honest) salespeople!
Down with honesty! People have a right to their delusions!
I may look middle aged, and heck now I have no choice but to dress like it. But I will be damned if I will act like it!!!
If age is really all in the mind, then my advice is to try to keep your mind young if your body betrays you. And stay away from people who make you feel any different! Keep the poisonous truth away! You don’t need to go there.
Oh and btw, she was wrong. I’ve always been a chubster. So there.