My goddaughter Sab took 3 pictures of me and the hubby at the beach this weekend, and I just can’t get over how in one I look okay, and in the other two I look like the Queen Elizabeth. And by Queen Elizabeth I mean the ship, not the monarch.
This is the reason I rarely have my picture taken now that I’m older and fatter. It’s just too distressing to see photographic evidence of my body’s betrayal.
I mean, seriously. Like the mirror isn’t bad enough.
I do realize however that I can’t always get away with the whole “No photos, please” thing, so finding a flattering, non-fattening pose is a must.
Now different people will give you various bits of helpful advice to help you look thinner in photos, but it’s important to bear in mind that these tips do not always apply to everyone, in every situation.
My friend Vicky, for example, swears by her “hand-on-hip, protruding clavicle, neck extension” trick - but when I try this, for some reason I just always end up looking constipated.
My cousin Cholo, who is a director as well as a photographer, taught me a great beautifying and “double-chin-eliminating” trick I use all the time: Take the shot from a high angle, with warm yellow light (like from a lamp) behind you.
This trick can be a little dangerous though, and there’s really only so much you can ask some photographers to do.
So let’s keep it simple and just stick with THREE BASIC RULES that fat girls should always follow.
RULE #1: The first basic rule is pretty much a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at how many people forget/ignore it.
Posing beside thin people just draws forth a whole host of unwanted comparisons, so do yourself a favor and STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM SKINNY PEOPLE!
If you cannot find a fatter or at least equally fat person to pose beside, then you are better off posing beside a tree. Even then, choose with care. The slender bamboo, for example, is not an option.
If you must pose with a thin person (like I often do.. grrr…stupid husband…) position yourself BEHIND, not beside said skinny person. This is why 90% of my pics with the hubby look like this:
RULE #2: Never be the closest person to the camera.
This is also common knowledge. The person closest to the camera always looks gargantuan. If you are fat, don’t even hesitate. Head straight to the back of the group - wrestle for your spot if you have to, you’ll probably win anyway —- and make sure that at least 80% of your body is covered by the people in front of you.
RULE #3: Use whatever props are on hand to hide protruding body parts. And by protruding body parts I mean your stomach.
There are lots of things you can use to camouflage your chub, but the most readily available is your bag. Therefore the bigger you are, the bigger your bag should be. Do not let stupid things like fashion dictate your bag size. Let your heft be the judge.
If your bag is too far away, feel free to use a pillow or a nearby child.
The random kid is always a good prop, because not only will you look thinner, you will also look like a nice person - if the kid isn’t crying.
And that’s it, my chubby chums. Good luck, and don’t forget to smile!
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