The Nice Girl’s Guide to Flirtatious Touching

I’ve been with the same guy for 12 years now, so my flirting techniques are a bit dated — but when I see young girls today mauling near-strangers like they’re planning to devour them whole, I just want to grab them by the ear and give them a good talking-to.  

GAH. You’re doing it wrong, kids.

While it’s true that touching plays a big part in the flirting process, less is always more. 

Lap-sitting is a particular peeve of mine. I see this ALL THE TIME.

Yeah, that’s what YOU think.

Here’s what everyone else thinks:

That’s right, little lap-dancer. So get up.

Unless it’s really your intention to grow up a ho, heed my advice on the art of touching cute boys: a light touch is all it takes.

Here’s a handy guide on appropriate areas for aforementioned light touches:

You see, touching is a tricky thing. I once read a study that showed that people who like you will like you more, the more you touch them. That’s great, right? Woohoo!!!

Hang on, handsy pants.

Because the study also showed that people who DISLIKE you will dislike you more, the more you touch them.

Hmmph. Not so eager now, are we? 

So that’s the thing. When you meet someone new and interesting, let your flirty, feathery touch be a question… (And just to be clear, that question is “Do you like me too?” and not “My place or yours?”) Allow time and space for the answer - and you might just be pleasantly surprised.

Take my friend, for example. A loooong time ago, she liked a boy who we were pretty sure liked her too, but was doing nothing about it.

So I shared with her my signature “getting a guy to hold your hand” move:

1. Go to a crowded place.

2. Take the lead and hold his wrist casually, like you’re all “Oh   whatever, I’m just leading you through a crowd, ho hum..”

3. Just wait, and he will hold your hand.

Hey, stop laughing!! It always worked for me! 

So off we went to a club to try it out…

And it worked! Umm, really well, actually. This was them 5 minutes later:

And now they’re married with 3 kids! (None of whom are named after me, btw… Ingrates.) 

More modern women may disagree with me, but I think restraint is a laudable quality. And really… if you have to work too hard to get a guy, he’s probably not that into you in the first place. 

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