Sad Movies Suck. Seriously.

I wanted to kill my friend Anna yesterday. There I was at the office, minding my own business, being all happy and productive, when out of the blue she sends me a text, asking for the title of a movie we’d once seen together.

I couldn’t for the life of me remember the movie she was talking about, so she jogged my memory with a couple of lines…

And then suddenly, I remembered.


GAH!! I hate you, Anna!!! Why’d you have to remind me???

The movie was Simon Birch, and if you’ve never seen it, it’s about a kid with stunted growth who’s convinced God has a plan for him. YOU do the math of misery and figure out why my subconscious blocked the memory.

Until ANNA came along and ruined everything.

See, here’s the thing about me and sad movies… I HATE them. THEY SUCK! For me, movies, tv shows and books are meant to be a pleasant break from reality. And who the hell wants to spend a mini-vacation from life like THIS???

I honestly think sad movies should come with warning labels. Or a rating system… Like 0-5 tissue boxes… or buckets of tears.
 
This should be enforced particularly in the case of movies that FAKE YOU OUT by having actors who are supposed to be funny! Like Adam Sandler in Click…
 
 

or even worse, Owen Wilson in Marley and Me…

 


Sigh. So anyway now I’m gonna have to go watch Zoolander or something to get myself out of this funk Anna put me in. GAH!!!  Sad movies suck!
What’s the saddest movie YOU’VE ever seen? Please tell me so I can be sure to AVOID IT.

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