I think I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that no matter what I write - or how harmless it’s intended to be - there’s always going to be at least ONE person who’s going to miss the point completely, take offense or just attack for the heck of it.
Yeah, fine, whatever. Haters gonna hate. Bashers gonna bash. I get it.
Although I’ve learned that it’s best to just leave them be, I sometimes still find myself itching to answer back. So I thought of drawing up some standard responses to the most common troll types that I come across.
No long heated responses, arguing back and forth and and lashing out in self-defense. Just “BAM! Here’s a drawing for you! Bye!”
Here’s what I have so far.
Troll Type 1: The Drama Queen
Response: The Confusing Slow Clap
The Confusing Slow Clap should ideally make the Drama Queen go all “Hey! Applause! Woohoo! Wait, why’s her face like that? Huh?” and then possibly burst into confused tears of joy or sadness or rage.
Troll Type 2: The “I Can Do Better” Intellectual
Response: The Sarcastic Surrender
“ICDB” Intellectuals usually want to bring me down a notch (or five) for writing flippantly about “stuff I know nothing about” — so the Sarcastic Surrender should either appease them (if they’re delusional) or drive them bananas.
Troll Type 3: The Unhappy Harpy
Response: The Perpetually Perky Pharmacist
I don’t think this one needs any explanation. :) There’s nothing that pisses Unhappy Harpies off more than to see that you’re immune to their efforts to drag you down into their pit of despair.
So yeah, that’s my arsenal of troll response templates — which I will never really use. And no, it’s not just because Disqus doesn’t allow photo-replies. :)
It’s because really, the best response to a troll is no response at all. As my wise cousin Martin once said…
In my ripe old age I have realized that you should devote your time to worthwhile endeavors and people. By not responding, you deprive the trolls of that which they cherish most - attention.
Thanks Mart. :)
Have a terrific (and hopefully troll-free) Tuesday, people!