My Facebook feed is full of photos of kids in costumes, and I love it. I’m practically passing out from the cuteness overload. But I have to be honest — I’m not a big fan of Halloween.  

In fact it’s probably a good thing that I don’t have kids, because I’m pretty sure they’d have the lamest costumes ever. Every year.

.. which brings me to the first reason I hate Halloween… COSTUME PRESSURE, man. It’s just the worst. Even for adults. 

I mean, costume parties are always a blast, but I’m really not one of those advance-costume-planners that make a career out of having the BEST COSTUME EVER, and I always tend to leave things to the last minute — so like a day before any costume party I’m always in a state of panic.

And I don’t even have the bod for those slutty outfits that pass for costumes these days, so I usually end up throwing together something pathetic at the very last minute.

So yeah, I hate that about Halloween. 

Another reason I’m a Halloween Scrooge is that I think it sends conflicting messages to children.

What’s up with that?  

Seriously, though — maybe I’m just paranoid because I watch too much TV and tend to favor murder mystery novels, but the whole “collecting candy which could be laced with arsenic or some other poison” aspect of Halloween just really stresses me out. 

The third reason I hate Halloween is that (in the Philippines, at least) “Trick or Treat!” is a lie. Kids go around shouting it out like you actually have an option when you know very well you really don’t. The only thing they mean when they say “Trick or Treat!” is this:

Well, what if I called you on it and chose Trick instead, huh? What then?

Nothing. They’re so unprepared. I want tricks, kids, TRICKS! Be creative!

I’m kidding, of course. :) Don’t go TP’ing my house or throwing eggs at me or anything. And don’t let my Halloween Scrooginess hinder your own enjoyment of the holiday. 

Just be safe, have a blast and wake me up when it’s over. ;) 

Happy Halloween!