I got a new reader request in the comments of my blog the other day, and I thought that today would be a pretty fitting day to answer it, because it’s Independence Day!

And I kind of wanted to free her. Because I remember being caught in the same trap when I was her age. Here’s the question:

I really do remember being in the same boat in my late twenties, having complicated pseudo-relationships and thinking that I was never going to find the right guy.

And when you’re in that “trap” everyone who tells you to be patient, and that “he’ll come when you’re not looking” is just annoying. 

I did eventually meet my hubby-to-be right before I hit 30, during a New Year’s party at the turn of the millennium. You’d think that would’ve been some sort of epic event, but no, I actually thought he was kind of an A-hole.

He was cute though, so I figured he’d be okay to keep around for eye candy purposes. ;)

We started hanging around with each other, but I still never really thought it would amount to anything. In fact, when my friends Anna and Suzette told me that they thought he liked me, I pretty much said that getting together with him was never going to be on my agenda.

Yeah, whatevs. Famous last words. I think we all know where this is going.

Three years later…

And to this day Suzette never lets me forget it.

So anyway… NO, I’m not going to be one of those annoying people telling you that “the One” is just around the corner. (Because as I already mentioned before, I don’t even really believe in “The One.”)

What I WILL tell you is this: While you’re waiting, embrace your freedom.

I’m not saying that when you meet someone you’ll be trading in singlehood for slavery or anything like that. But it is true that there are some things you just really won’t be able to do anymore once you’ve settled down.  SO DO THEM NOW. 

I consider myself pretty lucky that I married late, because I really did get to do a lot of things then that are maybe not impossible, but more difficult (or not advisable) now. And I wonder… how much more would I have done if I hadn’t been moping around feeling sorry for myself because I hadn’t yet found Mr. Right?

Think about it. This is a wonderful time in your life. It’s so full of possibilities. Don’t waste them. Go. Be happy. Be FREE. 

Hope this helps. :)

Happy Freedom Day!

Posters c/o Huffington Post

I got a question from one of my email subscribers yesterday and I asked her if I could turn it into a reader request post, because it reminded me of a rather terrifying story I’d buried deep into the recesses of my cowardly memory. Here’s the question:

I can see how some people might find this annoying, but to be honest, I really don’t have this problem. I actually find imitation rather flattering. Well, except for this one time, when it turned out to be TERRIFYING.

Back when I was a teen, my mom hired a household helper named Alma, who seemed pretty normal in the beginning. And then I don’t know exactly what happened (we suspect it was some sort of heartbreak over a phone pal), but all of a sudden she started acting pretty weird. And for some reason her weirdness was fixated on ME.  And I knew this because she started dressing EXACTLY like me…

This was a little off-putting, sure, but hey — no biggie. And then she started doing other weird stuff. Like giving us messages from “the Lord” like he lived inside her head and she was, I don’t know, MOSES or something. There were other things, but like I said, my cowardly brain repressed most of them. So just trust me when I say she grew a little scarier every day.

My mild fear quickly turned into ABJECT TERROR one night when I got home late from a party and checked the phone messages, to find that she had written some long rambling “I’m your Number One fan” type notes to me on the phone message pad. And as I was reading them in silent horror - in semi-darkness, I might add - she just SUDDENLY APPEARED at the top of the stairs behind me, like some sort of supernatural psycho killer…

I’ll be honest. Alma was pretty tiny, and hardly an imposing figure, but to my terrified teenage brain, at that very moment, she kind of looked like this:

So I kind of yelled at her (okay, maybe shrieked or bleated would be a better word here) - something stupid and ineffectual like “OMG GO BACK TO SLEEP!!” — and then I SPRINTED to my room like a cheetah on steroids and hid under the covers.

AND THEN THE KNOCKING AND WAILING BEGAN.

OMGWTF, MAN?!? Luckily my parents were light sleepers, so they went and sorted THAT out while  I… I don’t know… probably peed in my pants or something. (Repressed memories and all that.)

So anyway in case you’re wondering, she really was batshit cray-cray, and ended up in the mental hospital after a few days of terrorizing me and my siblings — and at one point even engaging in a super-not-sexy wrestling match with my mother. But this is a very extreme case which really has nothing to do with the question, so let me get back on point now.  

Anyway, the Alma incident aside, I really don’t mind copycats at all because I think that imitation in any form is a pretty great compliment. Also, because I’m something of a shameless copycat myself, and my friends and I are those annoying types who like to do and have all the same stuff.  

Just ask my BFF Gem, whom I can always count on to go do recon on a bazaar first, so I can arrive later and just buy everything she bought. 

I also make her try all sorts of hairstyles and treatments first, and if I like them, then I copy. I have no originality — and very little energy — when it comes to these things 

My other BFF Angie and I are the same. Even worse, actually. We wore the exact same dresses to Senior prom (except mine was white and hers was black). OMG. I know, even I’m a little bothered by that now, looking back. And this disturbing behavior has carried over well into adulthood. We no longer wear the same clothes, but we do have matching iPad cases, and almost identical wedding rings.

Gosh, we’re such weirdos. Why did I not realize this earlier?? 

In our defense, even though my friends and I might have or wear some of the same things, we all have very distinct looks and styles and personalities — so most of the time people really don’t even notice.  

And I think that’s the thing I’d like to get across to my email buddy. People may copy you all they like, but they will never BE anything like you. So don’t sweat it. :)  

Just take the imitation for what it is - a compliment, and an affirmation of your own awesome style - and rest assured that you are, and always will be, UNIQUE in the eyes of everyone that counts. Because there’s so much more to you than just the clothes you wear and the way you style your hair. 

Hope this helps. Cheers!

I got an unexpected Reader Request yesterday from an old friend of mine in Spain. I haven’t seen him since like.. wow, 40 pounds ago or something, so it was really nice to find out that he reads my blog pretty regularly. 

Here’s what he wrote. (I’m hiding his identity because he may cross the oceans to kill me when he finds out I posted his RR verbatim - LOL)

Anyway I wanted to tell him that there was a simple solution to that, which I try to encourage my husband and all other men to apply to any “How do I stop arguing with my woman?” dilemma… 

Pffft. So simple. :P

But hmmm… For some reason that never seems to fly. Sigh. I suppose I’ll have to be a little more creative. So here goes, mi amigo… 

There are a few things about this particular situation that I should probably tackle before actually attempting to give you any tips.

First of all, you’re Spanish. Now I hate to make generalizations, but based on my personal experience, I think it’s safe to say that y’all are a little more feisty and hot-blooded than the average Earth-dweller.

This is why I crack up every time my friend Miguel (also Spanish - well, mostly) wears this T-shirt, and why I happily accepted his request to draw him wearing it so he could use it as an avatar.

So maybe that could be part of the problem. But okay fine, probably not. Just had to put it out there for consideration. :D 

I suspect the bigger issue is that you and your FWB (friend with benefits) aren’t really in the same place, and don’t seem to want the same things from this relationship.

As I mentioned in a previous post, relationships are challenging enough, even when you do want the same things. Even in the happiest relationships, disagreements, fights and misunderstandings are bound to pop up every so often. 

(Note: This is particularly true when both parties are shameless KNOW-IT-ALLS) 

When you don’t want the same things, that just makes everything so much harder. So I think this, more than anything, is probably the root of your problems, and might be the reason you argue so much.

But hey, I could be wrong. So in case I am, here are a few tried and tested anti-arguing tips that you might find helpful.

1. Recognize that men and women simply don’t think the same way.

You don’t have to understand HOW you’re different, you just need to constantly remind yourself that you are. So don’t go into a discussion with the expectation that at the end of it, you will see eye to eye. That’s ideal, but not always doable. The quicker you learn that, the better off you’ll be. Make an effort to find out where the other person is coming from, but if you just really can’t grasp the concepts, learn to agree to disagree. 

2. Remember that sometimes it’s better to be kind/gracious than it is to be right.

Honestly, I wish I could tattoo that onto people’s foreheads or something. I find that more arguments are created and extended far beyond their expected life span JUST because we won’t quit until the other person backs down and admits to being wrong.

Well, NEWSFLASH: NO ONE ENTERS AN ARGUMENT THINKING THAT THEY’RE WRONG. So good luck with that. 

In some instances, being proven right matters. In many cases, it really doesn’t. Admit it. So just let it go already. And if it turns out that you ARE right, don’t gloat. Don’t trade in long-term harmony and good will for a short-term victory. 

3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. As I mentioned in another post, sometimes you just need to let things slide. Not everything is worth fighting about. You don’t need to accept every single invitation to war. ;) 

Ask yourself: Will this even matter a month from now? Or even next week?  If it won’t, for Heaven’s sake just say “You have a point, dear.” then walk away and go get some ice cream or something. Don’t engage.  Save your energy for the stuff that matters. 

My friend Ernie, back in college, once gave me an excellent piece of relationship advice: “Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.”  And it’s something that stayed with me forever and actually saw me through a lot of difficult situations. 

But now that I think about it, it occurs to me that maybe we could go one step further and stop thinking about relationships in terms of war in the first place. Because if you really think about it, there really shouldn’t be any winners or losers if you’re on the same team. 

Right?  :)

Hope this helps! Cheers and Buena Suerte!

I got another reader request the other day, so since I’m feeling horribly headachey, I thought I’d answer it instead of attempting the longer post I had planned.

Here’s the question:

And here’s the answer. :)

Hehe. I’m sure other bloggers can probably relate. Social media feedback is addictive, after all. I’m pretty lucky though because this doesn’t really happen very often. I usually get at least a few likes or whatever with every new blog post.. And for as long as I don’t try to compare myself with someone like Chuvaness, I’m cool with that. :)

It used to bum me out a bit in the beginning, but then I realized over time that the number of likes/RTs/comments/shares you get for a post isn’t necessarily a good gauge of how many people actually read it.

I’m always surprised when I’m at a party or something and someone tells me that they read my blog, because I still tend to sometimes assume that the only people who read it are those who react.

Not true, apparently. If you’d like a more accurate picture of your readership, check your blog stats on Google Analytics or something similar.  What you find might actually blow your mind. :)

And whenever I’m feeling sorry for myself because no one comments on a post, I always make myself feel better by re-reading this lovely note I once received on my Facebook page:

Awww. I lurve him.

It’s the personal messages like these that I get in my Tumblr inbox, or by email or on Facebook or Twitter or in person, face to face, that I really value, over the quick one-click likes or RTs or reblogs. 

Having said all that though, the reactions (or lack thereof) that you do get on social media really shouldn’t be ignored, because they give you a pretty good picture of what works and what doesn’t when it comes to content. If you blog for business, that’s important. (If you blog for fun and for the sheer joy of just blabbing away like me, then maybe not so much. But still helpful.)

At the end of the day I think that regardless of feedback — good or bad, online or offline, plentiful or nonexistent — every blogger should JUST KEEP BLOGGING ANYWAY. Because self-expression — whether anyone’s listening or not — is good for the mind and soul. And writing’s kind of like a muscle. You need to keep exercising it, and the more you do it, the better you get. 

The thing I personally find most valuable about blogging is that it forces me to take time out to think and reflect on things, so I end up learning more about myself and the world around me with every post I write. That’s fab. 

So yup, while my knee-jerk reaction to a zero-feedback post might be “Aw, bummer..”  my longer-term reaction is always the same: Keep right on blogging anyway. Because more than anything else, I blog for me. 

When people do read and react, then that just makes an already awesome experience even better. So thanks, whoever’s reading this. I lurve you too. :)

Have a fab weekend, everyone! 

I got another reader request in my Tumblr inbox this morning, and it was a pretty thought-provoking one.

So even though I had something else — that was totally interesting! — planned for the blog today, I decided to abandon it.

Okay, fine, I’m lying. I had nothing. So thanks for the RR, Rach.  

I had to take some time to think about it though, because I didn’t really have an answer right off the top of my head. 

Most people will tell you that you don’t need signs that someone’s The One. You just know. And that’s kind of true. There’s always something there, inside you, that tells you someone is extra-special. If you have to wonder and ask people about it, then you probably don’t really like him all that much. 

But here’s the thing. Barring a couple of “OMG. WHAT WAS I THINKING??” exceptions, I thought everyone I was with was “The One.” Because you tend to do that, when you’re in love. 

Obviously I was wrong all those times, until the last one. So WTH do I know, right? But still, you asked… so here goes. :)

To be totally honest, now that I’ve been around a bit and observed my own and others’ relationships, I don’t really think there’s such a thing as “THE ONE” — at least, not in the way we daydream about it, in that “You were created just for me, to be my other half… You complete me…and blahblahothersappystuffblah” type of way.

In the first place, I’ve already mentioned before that I really don’t buy into that “You complete me” business. Please. Let’s all quit that already. We’re already whole. Secondly, I honestly believe you can be happy and make a good life with more than one person.

Well, not at the same time, of course. 

I mean, think about it. There are like 7 BILLION people in the world. The thought that only ONE is destined for you seems a little ridic. So no, I don’t really believe in The One. I believe in THE ONE YOU CHOOSE. 

You’ll meet many people who could be The One. But it’s you - and not the Universe or God or Cupid or whatever - who decides who that One will be.

I realize this probably won’t be such a popular view among the more romantically inclined…

But that really is what I think. Love isn’t just hearts and magic and flowers and floatiness and “OMGOMGOMG so many feelings!“ 

I think love is a decision. It’s not a “We were destined to be together! And now you are here! Hooray!” type of scenario. It’s more like “Hey, I have options. I could be with someone else or I could be perfectly happy alone. But I choose you. Because you’re awesome. I pick you, even if you sometimes suck. Because even then, my life is still a much better place because you’re in it.”

And it’s a decision you make often, every day… even if (and especially when) the hearts, flowers and OMGOMGOMG floaty feelings appear to have gone on vacation. 

I’m not saying that feelings don’t matter - of course they do! But feelings are such flighty, frivolous creatures. They have this nasty habit of changing on you, sometimes without warning and for no logical reason whatsoever. They’re pretty unreliable, so they’re probably not your best decision-making tool. 

So if you’re looking to choose The One, it really should be based on more than just a person’s ability to make you kilig. Look for things that last, things that will stand the test of time. 

You can find all sorts of “signs that he’s the One” here and here, and some signs that he’s NOT, here. But for me it’s really simple. Don’t look outside for answers, look within.

As I said in a previous post, every relationship is unique. So while people will always have their opinions and advice on the matter, no one can really tell you if someone is the one for you - except YOU.

And you don’t even have to enumerate and analyze all the specific qualities he has, to figure it out. Just ask yourself this: “Who am I when I’m with him?”

If your answers are YES, and you like what you see, then he has my vote. Because when all is said and done, the bottom line is that the one you choose should lift you up, not drag you down. (And that goes both ways, by the way. Don’t go thinking it’s all about you.)

1+1 should = a terrific 2.  If you’re not better, happier people because of your relationship, then what’s the point of having it at all, right?

Hope this helps, and as always, the comments are open to anyone who’d like to pipe in and share their two cents on the topic. 

Cheers, people! Hope today was a good one. 

I got another reader request by email yesterday which I was a bit wary of answering because I really don’t consider myself any sort of expert when it comes to drawing. 

I mean, I really just doodle, and my cartoon faces are pretty much just fleshed-out emoticons with hair… so I imagine that any attempt on my part to offer a tutorial of sorts would garner this type of reaction from experts who know better.

The best I can probably do is try to tell you how I do my thang, and if you’re interested in drawing simple characters with different expressions,  maybe it’ll prove helpful.

So here goes… 

I pretty much just draw on a “trial-error-erase-try again” basis, but the one thing I’ve learned from this method is that the majority of facial expressions can be created simply by combining a certain type of mouth with a certain type of brow. See the examples below.

‘Tis true. Go try it out for yourself and you’ll be surprised at how many expressions you can make just by mixing and matching mouths and brows. 

If you aren’t lazy like me and feel you can do better than just using 2 dots for eyes, you can make even more expressions. Here are some examples from Drawinghowtodraw.com.

Pretty cool huh? But like I said, I’m pretty lazy so I just stick with the two dots for eyes and the mouth-brow-combo facial expression method. Though I do use x-eyes quite a bit, and I’ll often add in some hand gestures as well.

It’s pretty easy - and loads of fun - so go knock yourselves out and make some art today. And if you come up with something you want to share, feel free to post it up on my Facebook page. I promise to applaud. ;) 

Happy Sunday!

I wasn’t really planning to do another reader request today, but I got an interesting one in my Tumblr inbox yesterday that got me all worked up…

…and slightly panicky…

I’m really not very well-versed in the workings of gay relationships, although I’ve always been rather fascinated by them — and gay people in general. Just ask my friends, I’m constantly going all Q&A on their gym-sculpted arses.

So I’m not sure if I’m the best person to answer this, but this scenario is a pretty common one even in the hetero world, and I think I may be able to help. 

The thing is, I’m not sure he’ll like what I have to say… because my usual  response to situations like these is a little bit of tough love.

Okay honestly, I don’t even know why I felt I had to channel my inner Rocky Balboa for that, so don’t even ask. 

But seriously, my dear gay friend. That’s my advice. Just FUGGEDABOUTIT.  (Oh gosh, there I go again. Down, Rocky.)

Love and relationships are difficult enough to navigate even when both parties involved are in it for the long haul. If one party doesn’t even want to be there, that’s just a recipe for heartache. And low self-esteem. (Believe me. Been there, felt that. Cried. Was kind of emo for a while.  Eventually got over it.)

Relationships should make us happier, better people because we’re in them.  

If they don’t, and you actually still have a choice in the matter, get out. Choose happiness. You deserve better than someone who makes you feel like what you have to give is not enough.

That is all. Sorry to be all Debbie Downer about it, but I really do think that’s life’s too short to waste on people and things that make you miserable. :(  Hope this helps. 

Any additional advice for my new friend? Please head to the comments section. Happy Wednesday, folks! :)

I’ve been getting a lot of notes from new readers in various Inboxes the past few days (um, thanks again Fairy Blogmother) and there’s one that I really can’t get out of my mind, because it made me a little emotional when I read it.  

I don’t know why, but when I read it, it was like in the blink of an eye, I went from being all “Whee! Happy! New readers! Yay!” to suddenly teary-eyed…and then my bottom lip started quivering the way it does when you’re about to launch into full blown ugly-cry.

I’m not really sure why it got me all blubbery — and I know for sure it wasn’t because somehow I’ve become like the poster child for fat but happy people. (Seriously, people Google “fat girl pics” and get directed to my blog. I wish I was kidding.)

Anyway, moving on… I think maybe it made me sad because we live in such a terribly appearance-conscious, fat-shaming society — and I know full well that teens in this society can be extra mean because they haven’t yet fully installed the filters of kindness and tact that we (hopefully) acquire as we get older.

And I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this, because when I told the hubby about the note, he got all tight-faced and jaw-clenchy (which I guess is the male equivalent of the quivery lip) and started lunging towards my iPad.

Omg. Get your own blog, hubby. 

Anyway, I eventually got him to ease off and RELAX, and I decided to answer her in my blog instead of replying by email - because you never know who else might benefit from my ramblings.

So okay. Second reader request of the year. Here goes, my new teenage friend… some advice:

1. Exercise. But not because you want to be thinner.  Do it because it’s something everyone needs to do for better health. And also because it makes you feel good.

I never really got into the whole exercise thing because I never really felt the need when I was your age, and it’s the one thing I really regret. Now that I’m in my 40s and really need it, it’s such a struggle. So while you’re still young, get into the habit. Look for something active that you enjoy, and do it. Often (and forever). If you lose weight while doing it, then that should be just a happy bonus. But don’t let it be the goal, because when you hit that goal, you might stop.  

2. Don’t compare. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my ripe (and further ripening) old age, it’s that comparing yourself to other people is just a one-way speed train ticket to misery.  It doesn’t matter if you’re plump or skinny, pretty or plain — there will always be someone who looks better than you. That’s just the way the world is.

So stop trying to look or be like other people. Just try to be happy in the skin you’re in, and believe me when I say that your physical appearance is not the most attractive thing about you. 

Even if you’ll never be able to be completely satisfied with how you look, you don’t have to be, to still be a perfectly worthy and beautiful person. Love yourself for everything inside you, and you’ll be able to find someone else who does as well. - Thought Catalog

It might take you a while to discover this, but it really is true that the best things about you are not the things found on the outside. 

3. Just be yourself. 

I know. You probably want to slap me right now for saying that, because everyone says it. But there’s a reason that this line is so popular. It’s because it’s the BEST ADVICE EVER. 

In this entire massive universe, there is only one YOU. There are things only you can do, things only YOU were meant to do. You’re like a piece in a ginormous puzzle — you may be one of many, but you’re the only one that fits just right, wherever you’re supposed to be. 

At this point in life, you probably don’t know yet what that particular place is, or the part you’re meant to play in it. But believe me, it’s there. And it’s waiting for YOU - in all your glorious uniqueness - not some substandard imitation of someone else that you think is better, or prettier, or smarter, or whateverer.

Get to know yourself — who you are, what you stand for, what you love, what you can do —and try not to be distracted by all the conflicting messages from others about who or what you should be. Follow your own path, and you’ll get to where you’re going eventually. 

(Thanks, Pinterest)

Hope this helps. :)  Be happy, new friend. 

You all be happy too, everyone else. And if you have any additional advice for my 17-year-old pal, feel free to pipe in in the comments. 

Cheers!

I read this article the other day about how guys consider the words “I look fat” to be the biggest turnoff ever, and it reminded me that I actually had a reader request about this topic that I haven’t answered yet.

Now you’d think that I’d be all “HAH! They’re so annoying! GAH!” about these skinny “Please comment and say I’m not fat” Facebook-compliment-fishers, right?  But NO.

The truth is, I totally get them. I was skinny all my life until I hit 30, when my super-efficient metabolism got crazy lazy all of a sudden and decided to migrate to Bora Bora.  And when I started putting on a tiny bit of weight, I really thought I was fat. I was all sad and self-conscious about it and everything. Of course now that I actually AM kinda chubbers, I realize I was being a complete idiot. 

Geez man, I’d sacrifice my right EYEBALL to look like early-30s me again. Ok. Fine. Maybe not. But you know what I mean. 

“Fat” is in the eye of the beholder, really.  I have this aunt who’s like really glam and well put together all the time, and one time when I saw her at a party I mentioned seeing her in a magazine. I was all “OMG Tita I saw you in a magazine! You looked fab!”  And this is what she said:

She really thought I said FAT. (As if I’d ever even SAY THAT!!) And worse, she agreed! And she’s not even fat AT ALL. WTH.

Anyway, as a card-carrying member of the Chunky Crew, I’ll admit it can be kind of annoying when thin people claim they look fat. I mean, really, what’s up with that?

“WTH is wrong with you??? ARE YOU BLIND? Shut up before I stab your skinny ass with my Nutella-stained fork!” — is what I would say… IF I didn’t know that most women actually do carry a distorted image of themselves in their brains. 

You see legs. We see thunder-thighs. You see a regular stomach, we think we look 6 months pregnant. That’s just the way it is. And there’s actually scientific research to back this. 

Scientists have discovered that the body image a person projects in their own brain is “massively distorted” and can be up to two thirds wider than it is in reality. 

Researchers believe the findings could explain why slim women look in the mirror and see themselves as fat. They may also help explain the cause of some eating disorders.

The effect could be more pronounced in women as they tend to be more sensitive to the appearance of particular parts of their bodies, the researchers believe. - The Telegraph

I find it fascinating that when people in the study were asked to draw their hand, the drawn image was totally out of touch with reality.

So yeah, while I do believe that some “I look fat” exclaimers are just looking for a feel-good fix when people disagree, I think the majority just say it because they really believe it. No matter how astounding that may seem to the rest of us. 

So to all you guys who get turned off by these 3 words - FINE. We get that it’s annoying. But be a little more understanding. You’re just lucky that the body part YOU’RE most self-conscious about is usually safely hidden under a pair of pants. :)

And ladies — even though we think we look fat, what say we stop saying it out loud? Even better, how ‘bout we stop fixating so much on the way we look?  After all, the best things about us aren’t found on the outside.

Happy day, friends! Go out and have a good one. :)

I got a new reader request from my friend Mae yesterday, and it’s about something everyone can relate to — the Double Booking Dilemma.

Okay Mae… I’m not really sure what that “um” before the word “wisdom” is all about, but I’m taking it as the equivalent of air quotes…

…which would be correct because I really am no guru when it comes to social niceties. :)

I’m pretty terrible about attending parties in general. And I’m even worse when it comes to double-booking. I usually vacillate between “The Flake” and “The Liar” in my Double Bookers guide below.  

On a particularly energetic day, I might be a Houdini… but that doesn’t happen very often.

Anyway — Mae’s totally right, of course. Given the Filipino people’s propensity to party, every single social group in existence wants to get together during the Christmas season, and there are only so many days in which to schedule them all.

It’s a problem. 

So what do you do then, when you have two parties to go to on the same night?

It’s a difficult question to answer because it really depends on your priorities… and your energy levels. 

The ideal would really be to go and spend time at both, but with the crazy traffic and hectic schedules the season brings, that’s not always doable. So if you have to choose ONE, here’s a handy points-based system to help you pick:

You can actually add more stuff (like convenience or proximity to your home or whatever other things matter to you) but the point is to assign a value to your priorities, and pick the party which promises the highest total value.

In the unlikely event you get a tie, try a good old  coin-toss.

Everyone’s different, so the points and resulting decisions will differ for each person. But all this process really boils down to is this: Just pick the party that you’re likely to enjoy the most. 

In a piece I recently wrote for Rappler, I mentioned that holiday gift-giving is about celebration and appreciation — not obligation. The same applies to parties, really. 

When you reach a certain age, you come to realize just how precious quality time really is. Spend it with the people that matter to you and make you happy. Don’t waste it on things, or people, or events that will just cause you stress or breed bad vibes. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, after all. :)

Whatever you decide, just remember not to be a boor. Be sure to RSVP and let the other party know not to expect you — especially if it’s the type of event where a headcount matters.

And if you actually have the energy and inclination to go to both parties, you’ll find some tips on how to graciously navigate that challenge here.

Hope this helps! Have a great day, everyone!