I got this reader request from my friend Jackie about two weeks ago, but only got around to answering it now — partly because I hadn’t watched Breaking Dawn 1 yet, and mostly because I’m not much of a Twilight fan.
But hey, you know I love my reader requests, and Jackie’s one of my favorite friends on Twitter, so okay fine. I put it on my blog list. And I watched Breaking Dawn 1 to get up to speed — after which I was sorely tempted to gouge my eyes out with a fork.
OMGWTH. That movie was so bad, I don’t even have words to describe it. Just… GAH. And violent fork-waving.
Naturally, after this excruciating experience I was more than a bit reluctant to watch the second part, but I did it anyway last night and surprise, surprise! I actually enjoyed it!
I think the reason I was able to do that was that I managed my expectations. Because really, if you keep a few things in mind, and expect that they will bug the hell out of you, then the rest of the movie’s not so bad.
To be honest, there are a lot of things you’ll have to get over in order to move on and enjoy the flick, but I think that if you can accept these 3, you’ll be okay.
1. Kristen Stewart cannot act.
Honestly, that poor girl has one facial expression. That’s the limit of her repertoire. It’s like she’s dead inside - for real, and not just because she plays a vampire.
If you let the fact that she is basically a fleshy robot bother you, you’ll just be yowling all throughout the movie, so just accept it, maybe poke a little fun, and move on.
2. Renesmee is just the worst name ever invented in the history of mankind.
Really, calling a child Renesmee is just plain mean. Like she doesn’t have enough problems, being all reverse-Benjamin-Button and mistaken for an immortal child and everything. Not to mention emo parents. But whatevs. She lost the name lottery. Deal with it.
After hearing that horrible name the first 10 times, you really don’t cringe as much anymore. And when you find out she’ll be a fully grown female by the age of 7, you forget the name anyway and start worrying about other things.
Which leads me to…
3. It’s not considered cradle-snatching if you’re not human.
I was cracking up when Bella was (trying valiantly to act like she was) freaking out about Jacob imprinting on “Nessie” - because I was like “Bitch please.. your husband’s a hundred years old. Just STFU.”
Admittedly, the whole Jacob-Renesmee romance is just EWW. Really. It doesn’t matter that she’ll look full grown when she’s 7. SHE’LL STILL BE ONLY 7 INSIDE. So YUCK. Stick your tongue back in your mouth, wolfie.
But when you read as many paranormal young adult novels as I do, you get kind of indifferent to all these creepy age disparities. Geez, every 16 year-old’s dating some creature who was alive in World War I or something these days, so yawn. Jacob and Renesmee’s 18-year gap is nothing, really, in comparison. Just ignore.
So there you go. If you can get past these 3 things, and you haven’t seen the movie yet, go right ahead and watch. There are some pretty good fighting scenes and a bunch of new, international vampires with superpowers that may distract you, so that might help. :)
Have a great week, everyone!
I watched Skyfall the other night with the hubby, and I actually liked it a lot. Much more than my husband did, at least. He was really disappointed.
Don’t mind the grump. It was great. I have to admit though that as much as I enjoyed it, there were a few things that bugged me a bit about this new Bond movie. Here are the top three:
1. Bond being all old and injured - but NOT.
I’ve never really liked Daniel Craig as James Bond, because he doesn’t look anything like the way I picture Bond in my head. It’s a matter of taste, I know, but I really do think he looks more like a thug or bodyguard than a suave spy.
Still, I was okay with him in the beginning. But this time? OMG please retire already,Daniel Craggy! Let’s leave the spying to the spry.
Plus, he was injured and he failed all his shooting and fitness tests, so it was kind of difficult to suspend disbelief when he was suddenly a perfect shot with super speed and stamina JUST A FEW DAYS LATER.
Some people liked the whole “aging Bond struggling in the modern world” aspect of the movie, but I’m not one of them. James Bond - to me at least - is kind of like the Dread Pirate Roberts. I think it’s time to find a young Westley to take his place and let the legend live on.
2. Q and the ZERO cool gadgets
First of all, let me say that I liked this new Q even if he looked like he recently escaped from Hogwarts. I kept expecting him to wave a wand and rustle up a Patronus at some point.
I did not, however, dig his little sad black box of tricks. Honestly? A gun and a chip? That’s it? WTH? This a BOND movie, boy! We want gadgets! Go back to Gryffindor or whatever, and don’t come back until you have some cool stuff to show us.
3. M’s surprisingly sad shooting skills
I know M is elderly and everything, but I just couldn’t get over how she just couldn’t shoot anyone with any sort of skill. Not even Javier Barblonde, when he was considerate enough to actually put a gun in her hand.
I mean, no one expects her to run a marathon or anything, and okay fine, she was pretty good with those chandelier bombs — but you’d think a badass Spy Mama like M would at least put in some time practicing at the firing range once in a while.
So yeah, those things were a bit of a bummer, but it was a highly entertaining (and exciting) movie nonetheless. Great stunts, lots of action, beautiful cinematography, and some really impressive scenes of public and private property destruction. :D
Have you seen Skyfall yet? What did YOU think? Let me know in the comments section!
I wanted to kill my friend Anna yesterday. There I was at the office, minding my own business, being all happy and productive, when out of the blue she sends me a text, asking for the title of a movie we’d once seen together.
I couldn’t for the life of me remember the movie she was talking about, so she jogged my memory with a couple of lines…
And then suddenly, I remembered.
GAH!! I hate you, Anna!!! Why’d you have to remind me???
The movie was Simon Birch, and if you’ve never seen it, it’s about a kid with stunted growth who’s convinced God has a plan for him. YOU do the math of misery and figure out why my subconscious blocked the memory.
Until ANNA came along and ruined everything.
See, here’s the thing about me and sad movies… I HATE them. THEY SUCK! For me, movies, tv shows and books are meant to be a pleasant break from reality. And who the hell wants to spend a mini-vacation from life like THIS???
or even worse, Owen Wilson in Marley and Me…
I’m looking forward to watching Snow White & the Huntsman — mostly for the Huntsman (who cares about Snow White?). But I have to admit I’m a little hesitant, because I’m not sure I can see Bella and Thor in different roles and not keep mixing their characters up.
Here’s how I keep imagining it.
I started reading The Affair last night and once again I find myself flabbergasted by the biggest casting mystery of all time — how Tom Cruise scored the role of Jack Reacher. I mean, SERIOUSLY??? Ex-soldier Jack Reacher is 6’5” and stoic. Tom Cruise is… Tom Cruise!!! Short! And kinda cray-cray!
Quite understandably, loyal Lee Child readers are furious.
So when the casting controversy broke last year, Lee Child himself had to pipe in and defend him. But BAH. I’m not listening to any of that.
Here’s what I think REALLY happened.
Later, at home…
I watched The Avengers with the hubby last night and found myself totally crushing on Thor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed that even when in civilian clothes, Captain America had a very high waist?
Anyway… I loved the movie - good fun, great action, lots of eye candy and some pretty LOL-funny lines - even if it eventually led to an extremely long late-night Iron Man vs. Batman debate with the hubs…
… which will explain why I am too tired to write (or draw) anything of note this morning.
Maybe tomorrow. :)