I read this article the other day about how guys consider the words “I look fat” to be the biggest turnoff ever, and it reminded me that I actually had a reader request about this topic that I haven’t answered yet.
Now you’d think that I’d be all “HAH! They’re so annoying! GAH!” about these skinny “Please comment and say I’m not fat” Facebook-compliment-fishers, right? But NO.
The truth is, I totally get them. I was skinny all my life until I hit 30, when my super-efficient metabolism got crazy lazy all of a sudden and decided to migrate to Bora Bora. And when I started putting on a tiny bit of weight, I really thought I was fat. I was all sad and self-conscious about it and everything. Of course now that I actually AM kinda chubbers, I realize I was being a complete idiot.
Geez man, I’d sacrifice my right EYEBALL to look like early-30s me again. Ok. Fine. Maybe not. But you know what I mean.
“Fat” is in the eye of the beholder, really. I have this aunt who’s like really glam and well put together all the time, and one time when I saw her at a party I mentioned seeing her in a magazine. I was all “OMG Tita I saw you in a magazine! You looked fab!” And this is what she said:
She really thought I said FAT. (As if I’d ever even SAY THAT!!) And worse, she agreed! And she’s not even fat AT ALL. WTH.
Anyway, as a card-carrying member of the Chunky Crew, I’ll admit it can be kind of annoying when thin people claim they look fat. I mean, really, what’s up with that?
“WTH is wrong with you??? ARE YOU BLIND? Shut up before I stab your skinny ass with my Nutella-stained fork!” — is what I would say… IF I didn’t know that most women actually do carry a distorted image of themselves in their brains.
You see legs. We see thunder-thighs. You see a regular stomach, we think we look 6 months pregnant. That’s just the way it is. And there’s actually scientific research to back this.
Scientists have discovered that the body image a person projects in their own brain is “massively distorted” and can be up to two thirds wider than it is in reality.
Researchers believe the findings could explain why slim women look in the mirror and see themselves as fat. They may also help explain the cause of some eating disorders.
The effect could be more pronounced in women as they tend to be more sensitive to the appearance of particular parts of their bodies, the researchers believe. - The Telegraph
I find it fascinating that when people in the study were asked to draw their hand, the drawn image was totally out of touch with reality.
So yeah, while I do believe that some “I look fat” exclaimers are just looking for a feel-good fix when people disagree, I think the majority just say it because they really believe it. No matter how astounding that may seem to the rest of us.
So to all you guys who get turned off by these 3 words - FINE. We get that it’s annoying. But be a little more understanding. You’re just lucky that the body part YOU’RE most self-conscious about is usually safely hidden under a pair of pants. :)
And ladies — even though we think we look fat, what say we stop saying it out loud? Even better, how ‘bout we stop fixating so much on the way we look? After all, the best things about us aren’t found on the outside.
Happy day, friends! Go out and have a good one. :)
I saw a really funny quote on my friend Doran’s wall today and it totally cracked me up.
So I was all “LOL! So true, so true!” And then I started wondering what would happen if I actually said that to someone who just broke up with her boyfriend.
Yup, pretty much.
You see, there are things you just really shouldn’t say to people after a breakup — even if they’re true. Things like…
1. “I never liked him.”
Oh gosh - NEVER SAY THAT. Unless you’re absolutely sure that it’s over… and the guy’s moved to Siberia or whatever. Because THIS happens a little too often for comfort.
But more than that, saying “I never liked him” is a little too much like saying “I was right about him, and and you were wrong. Idiot.”
And no one really wants to hear about how freaking perceptive and people-smart you are while they’re crying into their comfort food. A-hole. Just STFU and stick a fork in it. (The comfort food, I mean. Food makes everything better. Chomp away in solidarity.)
2. “You’re too good for him. He didn’t deserve you”
It’s probably true. And you THINK it’ll make them feel better, being all superior and shiz. But NO.
And then you’re like, stumped for answers and you resort to things like “Umm.. He didn’t appreciate you because… errr…he’s stupid… Hello, he’s a GUY!.. I never liked him.” Aaand you’re back to number one.
It isn’t helpful to go over what a scumbag an ex is, especially right after the breakup. Really, all you end up doing is making your friend feel like she was stupid for loving him and wasting all that time.
Maybe later, when she’s over it, you can cackle together and be all “LOL! WTH were you thinking??” But not now.
3. “You’ll fall in love again.”
Again, totally true! We know this. But understand that they just don’t want to hear it right now. It’s like telling someone whose dog just died that you’ll get them another puppy.
Totally insensitive to the love they just lost.
When a girlfriend is grieving, just let her grieve.
Women are allowed to be sad, and they’re allowed to be single, and they don’t need to hear that one day a man is going to make it all go away by telling her she is good enough again. She’s good enough as she is. - Thought Catalog
Let her find that out for herself, on her own time.
Breakups are like little deaths. Nothing you can say at that time can possibly make people feel better. I think that more often than not, we say things because they make US feel better — less awkward, less powerless in the face of such sadness — but really.. just STOP. Because it’s not about us. It’s about them.
So enough with the yakking and the clueless cliches. Just listen, and just BE THERE.
Have a happy Friday, folks!
My MiL’s undergoing surgery tomorrow at Makati Med. Nothing major, but a surgery’s a surgery, so of course the hubby and I are a little stressed, and dealing with our worry in our own particular ways.
Yes, unfortunately, I do have a tendency to stress-eat. You know how when some people are sad or mad or stressed out, they can’t eat a thing?
Uh, yeah, can’t relate to that. Weirdos.
For me, stress = sudden starvation that must be satisfied. My work desk is witness to this. In fact I suspect it has an identity complex and thinks it’s actually a buffet table.
My friends and family also know this about me (and the rest of my sibs, come to think of it). This is why when my Pop died last year, we got 700% more food gifts than flowers.
And they were 1000% appreciated, believe me.
So yeah, I guess it’s a family thing, though I don’t really remember how or when the stress-eating gene hit me in particular… Because back when I was a mopey kid, my mom actually had to FORCE me to eat.
In fact she even consulted my school nurse about my lack of appetite, and the nurse was all, “LOL! Oh relax, worrywart! She’ll eat on her own. Just wait and see.”
Oh boy. Did she ever see. I hope we never run into that nurse, because I suspect I’ll hate her reaction when she sees me and realizes she was right.
Yeah well, whatever, Nurse KNOW-IT-ALL. Lucky guess. First of all, I’m Filipino. Secondly, I come from foodie families on both sides. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out where that was going.
Anyway, no point worrying about it (that’ll probably just make me eat more). Also, it’s raining right now, and comfort food just became a must… so if my diet comes around looking for me, please relay this message:
I think I deserve a day off. :)